"I sailed this ship of safety till I sank it"

Barbarian Faith vs. Domesticated....

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the conviction, the realization that I've lived most of my life looking at Christianity through domesticated lenses.
I feel like I finally "get" why Jesus told his disciples to give away everything, leave everything and follow Him... why rich people have a hard time fully experiencing a life surrendured to Christ, why John the Baptist had a crisis of faith, that I so many times can relate to.

Once I encountered God I couldn't go back...

I knew He was there at a young age and my first experience I was actually frightened, because the thought of a being that big was more than my brain could or wanted to comprehend. But I knew He was there, and I knew I could never admit He wasn't.

The years that followed, grew up in an incredible church and fell in love with Jesus, and although I was so in love with Him, I never fully accepted His grace because I was so performance driven, so self-righteous and legalistic in many ways. So much of my faith had been broken down into formulas.

Having certain close friends with bring you wisdom.. Dating needs to look like this in order for it to be "Godly" & to lead to a healthy marriage.

and while so much of what I was taught was biblical, and I am so blessed by my friends and our relationships, I realized that God isn't about formulas and so much of my faith was wrapped up in what I could get out of it, which was safety, security, protection.. shelter... success....

it takes humility to fully accept His grace, and with a self-righteous attitude it made it very difficult, and even more difficult to fully accept His love....

I feel like everyday God has just revealed more and more about Himself, and who He says I am.
He is no longer the God that will just keep me safe, or my self-righteous ways... He's the God that is so mysterious... so beautiful... The God that makes my life an adventure, even if that life leads to dealth... He's the God that has created every Love story different, and each person different in order to reveal more about His character and displaying His glory in what He accomplishes in them for His Kingdom.

I want the Barbarian Faith. To be free, to not be attached to things that are not eternal.. to have the confidence to live out dreams with God and dream big dreams with Him.. to be a vessel of love and hope for Him, so that others know that He loves them.
He's the God that another day given is a gift and a day that has purpose for Him, and that He still wanting me alive to live out a purpose.

All that matters is what's in between the arrival here on earth, and my arrival to Eternity.

Quotes that have been very meaningful to me:


"When you know death, and then you see life, you will choose life even if it brings you to death."
-my new friends

"Jesus was anything but the poster child for
status quo."
-Erwin McManus

"My song is love......
You're the target that I'm aiming at
I'm on fire for You clearly...
And I'm nothing on my own"
-Coldplay

I hope this conviction doesn't leave me...
I want this faith every day.. I want to live fully alive every moment... a relationship that illustrates courage, and trust in Jesus.. I want to raise my children in a way that they fall in love with Jesus and have the freedom to risk with Him at an early age and not grow up to be "nice Christian kids" because of how they behave, but because they really "get it" and would dream big with Him. This is my prayer and hope.