My Dash

In Erwin McManus's new book, "Soul Cravings", which I am in love with by the way, he talks about how although we are all designed by God so uniquely and all have different stories, we all have in common "the dash", which is the line between the time of our birth and the time of our death. So mine looks something like 1985- (unknown). As humans it's easy to take for granted this gift of life and that our time is precious here, but it still doesn't mean that we should live our lives constantly worrying and wondering of when our time will come to an end eiether. There should be a balance, and like my favorite actor legend, James Dean once quoted "Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today", which Erwin also quoted.. we have the same poster in our house- very cool i thought.... I think my deceased Hollywood crush has a point.

I was thinking about my dash, and what I want my grandchildren to know about me, what I want my loved ones to say about my story, my life that's included inside that dash... I want it to be something I would be proud of and something that God has written.

My parents found an old box of my mother's pictures from her early 20's, it was amazing what pictures can tell you about someone just by seeing their reaction while looking at them. I had never seen a picture of my Grandmother before, I've never met her, but have only heard about her many times through my Mother and her extended family. The tears that my mom cried from looking at these pictures were bittersweet.

I saw the picture of her and I knew it was her, because she has been in my dreams multiple times. I knew that my grandmother was a very religious woman, that she loved to sing and dance, that she loved my mother deeply, that she loved to wear a lot of jewelry, and that she had a hard life and wasn't loved in the best way by her husband. I knew that she had problems with alcohol and was married to a man that treated my own mother in a horrible way, that still makes me very upset and very untrusting of the male gender in some ways... but none the less, knowing this woman and what she was like and that gave my own mother life makes her incredibly special to me.

Although my mother has had to overcome a lot of things from her past, her dash is a story of God's grace and pursuit of her heart and abundance of blessings enfolding my mother and what has been included in her story. My mother has made choices that have tremendously impacted my life and the life of my sister and the generations to come.... it is the ripple effect at it's finest and I am eternally grateful.

So back to my dash..... I want to remember this, that although only 21, and still considered young, I look back at the journey so far, my "dash" so far has been incredible, and it wouldn't be the same, I can't even picture what it would have been like if it wasn't for God's provision and the love of my parents. I feel guilty asking the Lord for many more days and years filled with desires of mine becoming a reality, dreams being fulfilled, falling in love with a man that pursues me with all his heart, a marriage that is God glorifying and passion filled, because I have already been blessed with many healthy, joy and love filled days.

And as for love I want something real, I'm not going to just settle for the "look". I've had dreams of a baby boy... I wonder if that would become a reality, only God knows. Regardless, I yearn to be a mother, and want to raise my children in such a way that they never doubt God's love for them, or my own and that when they leave they feel they have an unconditional amount of support and love behind them.

I want to fight for the daughters of Eve in this world, to bring hope to women that have lost their hearts somewhere in Satan's decietfulness. I want to be a vessel of love, to counsel, to encourage, to care, for those that feel no one else believes in them. I will fight for them.
I want to glorify God with my gifts, I want to write.....

These are all wants, desires, they get me excited though, they get me excited about each new day, what I will experience, who I will meet, what stranger will become my friend, what glance will stir something in my heart, what song will perfectly illustrate what I'm feeling, what scent will flash a memory in my mind...

I will never forget the quote in "Under the Tuscan Sun" that goes something like, "Building the train tracks before they knew there even was any train" I guess I am living my life something like that right now. Praying the Lord is preparing my heart, purifying it, molding it, growing in it a continual love for His Son, so that when I do marry I will always know who my First Love is so I'm able to love and respect my husband with my all, and on an every day basis just grow closer to Him more so I can be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's guidance, to be a good friend, daughter, sister, aunt... a light...which is happening right now.

This is my dash.... what do you want yours to look like?